Obsessed?

I've not slept well since July. A combination of problems with Pam plus the on-line ADD course which wasn't going right has left me tired, confused, maybe a trifle obsessed? After my encounter a few weeks ago, I'm suddenly "awake" with a burst of enthusiasm, but dragged down by not sleeping. Part of me really wants to find another playmate. Maybe hoping things will go smoother than a few weeks back?
I posted a profile on-line and I've had lots of guys looking, but no one actually seems interested in meeting. Thst's frustrating and a little depressing. I'm too weird/strange/different for straight people, but maybe I'm too weird/strange/different for gay or bisexual people? Or not different enough?  My thoughts are in a jumble. Too tired/confused to get it all together.
I'm hurting really bad right now...isolated, alone..stuck.
There was a possibility of one of my SCA friends introducing me to someone, but I've heard nothing back. I don't want to keep pestering and sounding impatient. I really would like to find someone...not just for sex, but to travel with, to raid the flea markets with, to cook for.
Then again, I'm almost 60 years old...what'a another 60 years? Maybe it's better to quit looking, quit hoping... move on with my life...another old road, another old bridge. I don't need a lady or a guy to explore the countryside. Just me, a camera and my trusty war wagon.
I don't need anyone. I don't need a girlfriend or a boyfriend.
Thers's an SCA lady on Facebook who has caught my interest, but she's like 5-6 hours away. Fuck that! Long distance dating has never worked for me. Oh yeah, things were kind of hot and heavy with M years ago, but I was just someone to scratch her itch. When she got bored, she ditched me. Of course, she went after the guy who brought us together, but he wanted nothing to do with her.
I want a friend, a lover, a partner, a co-conspirator but it doesn't seem to be in the cards for me.
EK, my first SCA love/crush married an alcoholic. I guess she loves him.
I don't know what happened with Roh. Expecting more than I was prepared to give or simply using me?
I tried with Kim, but she scared me off by constantly asking about her weight. It didn't matter initially, or so I though, but she kept asking if it made a difference.
I tried with Suzi, but she was too busy screwing guys on the side wile trying to "seriously" date me. I couldn't play that game.
The Pam came along. It started out as a major disatre and I thought I'd never hear from her again. Then she cama back, but I thought it would just be as firiends. Then something happened and I thought she was interested in me. Or maybe I just misread the signs. Then she quit talking to me under the guise of being too busy. When I finally got tired and walked away, she got mad. I didn't want to walk away but feeling ignored, I felt I had to, but I waited way too long hoping she'd come back.
I wonder if my frustrations fueled my looking for a same sex partner or if this would have happened anyway? I'll proably never know.