Confused

I feel so confused, or is it the insomnia.? Sometime in the last 6-8 months, I've come to be more accepting of being bi. I don't know WHY I am, I simply AM. I guess I've know for ages, but kept fighting it. The I got daring after things went south with Pam. I met a guy in Mountain View, but he was too rough. I met a guy in Springfield and he kept me bouncing all over the bed.. He knew a thn g or two. Maybe I can meet him again, sometime.

Yet I'm not really coming out. I may longer hide it for the most part, but I'm not going to announce it... I just am. Does that mean I'm still hiding? I just feel it's no ones business unless I tell them, though there a number of people who know already...maybe more than I think.

Yet I still like the ladies. I really wish I had a GF to spend time with and maybe play around a bit. I'm not giving up the ladies unless I get tired of them giving up on me. Everyone of them has gone off and got married, except one, but no way would I go back. I didn't realize until later that she was just using me. Yet I refused to give up until she told me to get lost. The signs were there, but I ignored them.

For that matter, Suzi was the same. Wanted to date me, but play on the side. She got mad when I told her I didn't think it was right, but she thought I was being unfair, so I walked away.

Pam, I don't know about. She acts like she's interested in me, yet when I wanted to get together, there was always a conflict with work, the kids, moving, laundry, or whatever. I finally got tired of feeling led along and walked away. I've tried to tell her, but she doesn't seem to understand. I've had to back away, but she wants to guilt me over it. 

Maybe I'm doomed to remain single. I'm 60 years old...who would want me?

My track record if full of bad choices.

My sister found her (ex) husband through a friend. Dad and mom met through a mutual friend. Me? I don't have many friends and none of them know anyone. Guess I'm too weird/strange/different or not enough.

I'm lonely. I feel isolated. I feel unwanted. I feel the world has abandoned me.